I can tell you how to bottle fame
July 22nd, 2010

If you know where that line is from, then we’ll be automatic BFFs. If not, then you’ll just have to find out. Won’t you?

I’ve never been one to want to be famous. Me in the spotlight? Omg. They would capture me tripping and falling or walking into walls. The HORROR! No, but seriously, I could never be famous. I don’t like to party all night. I don’t like all that much attention. I wouldn’t mind all that money though.

So one thing I would like to be famous for? Well Hayden Pennetiere (or however you spell her last name) is already doing it. She’s saving animals lives. I’m so jealous of the things she gets to do. Except that… Isn’t she a supporter of PETA? Ick. I would like to be famous for saving animal lives. For saving endangered species. For stopping the slaughtering of dolphins. For ending Whaling. For stopping seal hunts.

I’ve also always wanted to write a bestseller that would be #1 on the NYT. That would be awesome on so many levels. Having someone come up to me and tell me I’ve inspired them to do the same? That would have my heart fluttering nonstop. Writing that book, that right now has no title… (hopefully someday I’ll finish) and have people hand it to me so I can sign it with my clumsy signature? I mean. Its just amazing. To me anyway.

Or you know, something more realistic? Making better cakes than Duff and Buddy put together. For making friggin badass cakes that will have you marveling at the little details. At the moistness of the cake and giving your tongue and orgasm :) I would love to have a bakery/coffeeshop where there would be insanely orgasmic cupcakes that would have people outside in the street selling their jewelry for super cheap to get their hands on one. I mean.. Not that I’m going to sell them super expensive! Where coffee or lattes wouldn’t cost you more than a gallon of gas from the gas station.

Also? I’ve always admired woman like Dita von Teese and Rachel Brice. But mixing burlesque with belly dancing? I have no idea how that would turn out. Maybe I can come up with something similar to them both? Maybe just maybe I’ll become famous for that?

What would you want to be famous for?

Pamela

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Tags: , , , | Posted in GTT |
So Hot It Will Melt Your Popsicle
July 15th, 2010

So I know I haven’t been around here in like forever. But I kind of abandoned this blog and have been reblogging like crazy on Tumblr. If you’re not already on Tumblr, I don’t suggest you get one. It is one of those things that sucks up your soul time. And while its fun because you totally relate to things you see there, you’ll also be like what the hell happened to the past hour and then your toddler wakes up and is like watch me jump off the top of the couch and attempt to fly and ends up with a bump on her head.

Also… I’ve been pottytraining the toddler. Which is really like omg a pain on my ass.. Literally speaking.. Because I’m sitting there on the floor singing to her, reading to her, listening to her stories while she pretends to pee. So I have to fill her cup with milk and give her a juice pouch so she’ll finally go pee and is like I want stickers and chocolate and makeup. And you’re like whatever you want but omg just pee. So there’s a whole adventure because pottytraining is hard, yo. I don’t really care if I have to sit on the floor and wait twenty minutes. If she pees, I count that as a win because omg peepee in the potty? Is a huge effin deal to us right now. Better than wasting $20 bucks buying puppy pads for all over the apartment, right?

If you’re asking how the weaning is going? I’m just going to skip over this subject and point to that squirrel doing disco over there. I know. I know. She’s three. Leave me the eff alone. I don’t care what anyone tells me about it anymore. If you point and stare, I’ll get my friends to punch your face in. If you tell me she is too big then ill throw my hot coffee in your face because so what? Did you know that my daughter has only been sick once? One ear infection in all her three years. How many times has your toddler gotten sick? Yeah. #suckit

Also, a new catchy tune was brought to my attention yesterday night by my lovely pregnant friend Monique and its called Cali Girls. Its by Katy Perry… Let me just say right off the bat that I don’t like her… Because I want her legs. Have you seen them? But also.. I think she might be a robot or a stepford wive so I’m not so jealous anymore. Anyway have you listened to that song. Here, have a listen. I’ve included it on this post from my phone. Hopefully my blackberry attaches it and its not in one of its moods. Remus, my blackberry, has been trying to start a revolution and not wanting to do things for me lately. I mean how hard is it for it to prepare breakfast? Sheesh. Ungrateful. What I meant to say was.. Or ask.. Is What are your thoughts on this song? And who would call a nylon top, daisy dukes, and stilettos an outfit? A hooker, no? Also “so hot it will melt your popsicle”? Its obvious she hasn’t heard of slow melt popsicles because holy hell, those things last for quite a while.

I lived in California for quite a while and I NEVER saw anyone wearing an outfit like that. I mean Ew. Nylon and Jeans? That’s kind of worse than cutoff jean shorts with the pockets hanging out, in my opinion. Buuuut.. If you dress like this, take no offense… Or do.. It doesn’t really matter. Its my blog. And these are my opinions. Don’t like it? There’s the X on top of the window. I’m not going to lie and say that the melody isn’t catchy… And that I DON’T sing along to parts of the song because its totally catchy and I get why its popular but it just doesn’t send the right message out.

Now excuse me while I cry my eyes out watching Return of the King… Because who the hell DIDN’T cry in this movie? You know what? Don’t even tell me. This movie is totally tears worthy. But I’m emotional and Lord of the Rings are my favourite movies of all time. It has Fantasy, Kickass fight scenes, Hobbits, Hot Elves, Romance, Ents and an amazing storyline. If you haven’t seen any yet, go read the books first then let’s gush over how many things they left out of the movie when you watch it, okay? I’ll wait…

Before I forget to bring it up.. Because I don’t know when I’m coming around again.. If you guys were around a year ago, you’ll remember me talking about Blogathon a lot. And how I was blogging for twenty four straight hours every thirty minutes. If you remember.. Those last posts were kind of senseless… But I think I will manage this year. That is, if altblogathon actually manages to launch AltBlogathon. This is the deal. If it does happen. I will tweet about it and come by and announce it again, if you forget.. So I hope you’re subscribed or whatever because I’m blogging for a very worthy charity. If my plans do go through, I will be blogging for The Layla Grace Children’s Cancer Research. Something that is very heartbreaking and I wish didn’t exist. Oh I will be blogging my Blogathon adventures over at a different blog. Be sure to stop by on July 31st and cheer me on (AND DONATE) I will have a button/link/something up on the sidebar to make it easier for you to help. This is where I’ll be Blogathon Adventures

This has been brought to you by the letter U for Unicorn.. because my daughter has been asking for one and wants to know if we can get one at the zoo.

Pamela

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Tags: , , | Posted in It's My Life, Life Happens, Oh! Darling |
#Eclipse – The Review
July 2nd, 2010

So last night I met up with @guavalicious, who is not a serial killer by the way, in Dallas to watch Eclipse together. She’s totally lovely and just as hilarious as she is on Twitter!

If you’re thinking of going to go see it.. because maybe Kstew got some acting classes.. Don’t. It’s the same “My lip smells like shit” faces she is ALWAYS making even after she kisses her possesive sparkly vampire, which omg who doesn’t want to kiss a bushy eyebrowed vampire, right? Right. Carry on. Oh right.. Bella’s face. Expressionless except for you know that face I previously mentioned.

I don’t even remember the entire movie so I’ll just comment on the parts I remember. Which is the real proposal scene and the fight scenes. Let’s move on to the proposal scene. In this scene, Edward is telling Bella that he wants to wait until marriage to get busy between the sheets which is nice and old-fashioned you know but how long has it been for him? 100 years? Oh I think he messed around with one of the vampires from Alaska, no? Before Bella, of course. Ok so he starts talking about courting her (and ok yes, I swooned… Because dammit I want to so badly live in those times where courting was everything.. And maybe I almost cried in this scene.. Shush Kate) and maybe stealing a kiss or two but never a romp in the bedroom… Or the meadow for that matter. And Bella is not buying it because OMG she’s a horny teenage virgin. But he proposes. With a ring that Bella should go pawn and get some acting classes.. Or you know… A new face?

Oh I liked the part where Rosalie tells Bella her story. About how she didn’t have a choice to become a vampire or not. Poor girl. No wonder she’s a bitch to Bella. She has a beating heart and blood running through her veins. But Rosalie is way prettier anyway. She had her LIFE taken from her and Bella is just giving it up. To be with her sparkly lover forever and ever and ever. Which I totally get. She loves him. But she’s killing herself for a guy… *SPOILER* ok ok she doesn’t really kill herself for a guy.. She does, however, almost kill herself…. Giving birth to their baby, Renesmee… In Breaking Dawn.

Oh the Jacob part. That effin pissed me off. I mean I knew it was coming because I have read the books. And I knew she was going to kiss him. But holy hell, Bella you are such a bitch. You little whore. You are ENGAGED. This isn’t some Nicholas Sparks novel where you go run off and kiss the other guy you love and everything is fine, you know? I kind of wanted her dead right then and there. Poor Jacob. I bet he was one pissed off puppy when he found out that she was engaged with the fang guy. And Edward didn’t seem one bit furious that she kissed Jake with passion. But he kind of deserved it anyway for being a possesive asshole. I mean.. Did you see what he did with Bella’s truck because he knew she was going to the Reservation? That is a possesive and controlling trait… But what do you expect? He’s a lethal killer and stalker. The part where Jacob comments on how much hotter he is than Edward? Yeah I totally laughed. But I think I just want his abs. He has that chin I don’t like. And I still see him as a little kid.

After watching this movie, I like Jasper Hale more. He looks like more of a badass than Edward, except when Edward kills of Victoria because I LOVED that part. That was pretty nice. Bye Bye porcelain doll. Anywho I think I’ll just skip to the fight scene. The fight scene was pretty cool. I especially loved the part where the wolves come out of nowhere and attack. All the skulls and bodies cracking. Pretty neat. But then… Dun dun dun. Victoria goes looking for Edward because of course Bella is going to be with him and she wants revenge for Edward killing off her lover, James. I especially loved the part where he breaks her head off. That was like the coolest part in the movie.

Well those are the main scenes I wanted to comment on. So how many stars do I give it? THREE. Because Edward didn’t sparkle so much and made me forget about the sparkling. And I liked the fight scene. And the proposal because while it was totally cheesy I’m so jealous because I didn’t have a proposal like that.. But I think I’ve already told that story before.

So there you have it. My Eclipse review. Hope you save your pennies by not going to go watch it and spend it on Harry Potter instead :) And thanks again Kate! I loved hanging out with you! Hopefully I meet your lovely daughters one day. I see a lot more margaritas together in the future ;)

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Tags: , , | Posted in My Reviews |
On Being a {paranoid} Mother
June 27th, 2010

There’s so much shit that we stress and panic about as parents. Or maybe not really once you’ve been doing it for several years now… Except I totally do stress and panic.. STILL. I know that its normal to freak out. There’s so much wrong in the world. Cancer, illnesses, and there are those undetected illnesses/diseases. They all suck. And when something happens to your child, you go into lovable and friendly butterfly to a pissed off and protective mama bear.

So many children die either from cancer, prematurity, pneumonia and other diseases, so many children are in hospitals. As if we didn’t have enough to worry about. There’s all the daily stuff that happens in everyday life. “Holy hell, Jimmy just ingested a screw.” And “my daughter just split her lip open” Sooo much crap that they do or happens to them that worries the crap out of us. And we say they’re sending us to our early grave. Its crazy isn’t it? When mothering instincts kick in as you run (you totally feel like you’re never going to be there just in time) towards your child and they’re falling off their bike, or the stairs, or the top of the slide.

Holy effin crap Natalie just jumped from the couch to the floor and hit her head super hard. “Did she get a concussion” is the first thing that pops in my head. “Omgomgomg look at that bump!” I’m screaming to my Husband. “Relax” is all he tells me. Easy for him to say. He didn’t carry her inside HIS womb for nine whole months. Things like that happen all the time, I know I know. I should be used to it. I mean she’s a toddler after all. Is she going to make my heart beat like this every minute and feel like it will beat right out of your chest.

When you’re pregnant, MOST women do everything to avoid any harm to their unborn baby. I mean I totally didn’t fall off the bed when I was sleeping intentionally. You probably had those crazy dreams I had when I was pregnant.. *stop reading if you’re pregnant NOW* you know the ones.. The ones you can thank the lifetime channel and your anxiety too. Would you like for me to remind you? :sigh: The dreams where someone would break in your house/apartment/condo cut your belly open and take your baby. You see? I told you to stop reading. Anyway I would wake up yelling, crying and sweating. It seems that your anxiety goes up a notch once you become pregnant.

From you falling asleep at the most for ten minutes and your toddler making herself a “pretty princess” with a black Sharpie covering her legs, hands, arms, cheeks and lips with it and waking you up panicked. To that big ass swelled up spider bite that omgomgomgomg what kind of spider was it and spending over 100 dollars just for the doctor to tell you its not infected and that she’s just allergic. Well shit, now I have to freak out over any insect bite she gets. To omgomg she just got her foot stuck on the bottom rails of the coffee table and she can’t get out and hyperventilating. To what the hell do I feed her if she doesn’t want to eat today? Is something wrong with her? Oh and my daughter isn’t talking and she’s two years old. Does she need speech therapy? Google doesn’t help much when you’re a panicked mother looking for answers. Have you noticed? Don’t you dare to even google spider bites if your three year old just got bit by an unidentified spider.

My point is that… This is why I blog. This is why I use twitter. To reach out to those mothers googling the same thing I am. Offering a cyber hug. A (picture of a) good drink because they’re just so far away. To talk to other moms. And also… There’s just a sense of relief knowing that someone out there thousands of miles away from you, another mother is going through the same exact same thing. That You are not alone. See… While I’m not totally and completely alone because I have a lot of family… I just can’t talk to anyone about the things that are in my head. I feel judged by them. I feel that I’ll be criticized. That they’ll think I’m a bad mother. That it won’t be confidential.

I constantly get asked why I blog, why I twitter. Why I communicate with people all over the world. With mothers who totally get it. Like in a phone conversation I had earlier today with my gorgeous cousin Diana, she answered my question… She said “sometimes we want an unbiased answer/advice” and that’s my reason. Why I totally love her. Oh and she’s new to the blogging world. So go say hi and give her lots of bloggy love.

What was your first omgomgomg moment that involved your kids? Busting their heads open? Their first concussion?

Pamela

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Tags: , , | Posted in I Have Issues |
*swoon*
June 19th, 2010

So today was sort of my night out without toddler and Husband. I met up with my cousin at the @Loft_Dallas for @LandonPigg’s show. @mikeywax and @madidiaz opened up for him. They are both amazingly talented and their music speaks to you.

I had a lot of fun. Had a few very good drinks. If you want good cheap drinks go there when a band is playing, enjoy the show and sip on some malibu with pineapple juice. Also the bartender was super friendly.

Did I mention my hair is purple now?

Pamela

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Tags: , , , | Posted in It's My Life, Life Happens |
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