So last night I met up with @guavalicious, who is not a serial killer by the way, in Dallas to watch Eclipse together. She’s totally lovely and just as hilarious as she is on Twitter!
If you’re thinking of going to go see it.. because maybe Kstew got some acting classes.. Don’t. It’s the same “My lip smells like shit” faces she is ALWAYS making even after she kisses her possesive sparkly vampire, which omg who doesn’t want to kiss a bushy eyebrowed vampire, right? Right. Carry on. Oh right.. Bella’s face. Expressionless except for you know that face I previously mentioned.
I don’t even remember the entire movie so I’ll just comment on the parts I remember. Which is the real proposal scene and the fight scenes. Let’s move on to the proposal scene. In this scene, Edward is telling Bella that he wants to wait until marriage to get busy between the sheets which is nice and old-fashioned you know but how long has it been for him? 100 years? Oh I think he messed around with one of the vampires from Alaska, no? Before Bella, of course. Ok so he starts talking about courting her (and ok yes, I swooned… Because dammit I want to so badly live in those times where courting was everything.. And maybe I almost cried in this scene.. Shush Kate) and maybe stealing a kiss or two but never a romp in the bedroom… Or the meadow for that matter. And Bella is not buying it because OMG she’s a horny teenage virgin. But he proposes. With a ring that Bella should go pawn and get some acting classes.. Or you know… A new face?
Oh I liked the part where Rosalie tells Bella her story. About how she didn’t have a choice to become a vampire or not. Poor girl. No wonder she’s a bitch to Bella. She has a beating heart and blood running through her veins. But Rosalie is way prettier anyway. She had her LIFE taken from her and Bella is just giving it up. To be with her sparkly lover forever and ever and ever. Which I totally get. She loves him. But she’s killing herself for a guy… *SPOILER* ok ok she doesn’t really kill herself for a guy.. She does, however, almost kill herself…. Giving birth to their baby, Renesmee… In Breaking Dawn.
Oh the Jacob part. That effin pissed me off. I mean I knew it was coming because I have read the books. And I knew she was going to kiss him. But holy hell, Bella you are such a bitch. You little whore. You are ENGAGED. This isn’t some Nicholas Sparks novel where you go run off and kiss the other guy you love and everything is fine, you know? I kind of wanted her dead right then and there. Poor Jacob. I bet he was one pissed off puppy when he found out that she was engaged with the fang guy. And Edward didn’t seem one bit furious that she kissed Jake with passion. But he kind of deserved it anyway for being a possesive asshole. I mean.. Did you see what he did with Bella’s truck because he knew she was going to the Reservation? That is a possesive and controlling trait… But what do you expect? He’s a lethal killer and stalker. The part where Jacob comments on how much hotter he is than Edward? Yeah I totally laughed. But I think I just want his abs. He has that chin I don’t like. And I still see him as a little kid.
After watching this movie, I like Jasper Hale more. He looks like more of a badass than Edward, except when Edward kills of Victoria because I LOVED that part. That was pretty nice. Bye Bye porcelain doll. Anywho I think I’ll just skip to the fight scene. The fight scene was pretty cool. I especially loved the part where the wolves come out of nowhere and attack. All the skulls and bodies cracking. Pretty neat. But then… Dun dun dun. Victoria goes looking for Edward because of course Bella is going to be with him and she wants revenge for Edward killing off her lover, James. I especially loved the part where he breaks her head off. That was like the coolest part in the movie.
Well those are the main scenes I wanted to comment on. So how many stars do I give it? THREE. Because Edward didn’t sparkle so much and made me forget about the sparkling. And I liked the fight scene. And the proposal because while it was totally cheesy I’m so jealous because I didn’t have a proposal like that.. But I think I’ve already told that story before.
So there you have it. My Eclipse review. Hope you save your pennies by not going to go watch it and spend it on Harry Potter instead 
And thanks again Kate! I loved hanging out with you! Hopefully I meet your lovely daughters one day. I see a lot more margaritas together in the future 
